Celebrating E

25 days ago,  one of my friends handed me this bright and hopeful forsythia branch sitting in a vase surrounded by grey rocks.

That day, there were 285 rocks in the vase.  In the note my friend gave me along with the vase, she instructed me to take one rock out each day, to mark the days we wait for our E.  She said to take a smaller rock out when we felt peace with our wait, and a larger one when the wait felt difficult.

Today, we took one of the bigger rocks out.  It’s our little E’s first birthday.   All day, I’ve wondered how our E spent her day.  Did she know it was her birthday?  Did she sleep well the night before?   I checked my weather app to see what the weather is like there, hoping it might tell me something more, anything more about how she is doing.  We sent a package weeks ago, and I wonder if she got it.   Did she dress up in a traditional Korean hanbok (dress) like Korean children do (and both of our boys did) on their first birthday?I’ve been thinking about E’s birth mother and wondering what she is feeling today, too.  If I could, I would tell her that that I am praying for her today and that we will honor her and the part of E that she will always be.  We know E was knit together by God in her womb.

Dear little E, you have a village of people here who love you and celebrate you today.  A birthday card arrived in the mail for you this week.  A dear friend’s little boy, who shares the same birthday as you, turned 5 today.  This morning he and his mommy brought these tulips to me, just for you.