Thoughts and a Letter to E’s Birthmom

I knew she would have a name, but reading it changed everything. I said her name aloud, and then read every small bit of information we received about her again and again.

Our little girl’s birth mom has a story. It’s bigger than what I could see as not he page where pieces were sprinkled over a form, filled into appropriate boxes and resting on the appropriate number of lines. Her reality struck me. So did this thought: we aren’t just growing our family by adding a little girl who doesn’t have a permanent family. We are fighting for a little girl’s whole story: every single person and part. E’s birthmom is now part of us too, whether she knows this or not. This Mother’s Day, I am full of gratitude for my own mom and my wonderful mother-in-law. I am grateful to be called mommy by two of the best little boys in the world. But this year, I am also grateful for our E’s birthmom and how she has impacted my understanding of what it means to be a mother.

Dear E’s birthmom,

The first time I read your name, I held my breath. I have cried for you. I believe God has held those tears in a bottle and that he has bottles full you yours. I have tried to picture your face again and again, and know that I will see it in my little girl’s face soon. My heart was full of joy when we were matched with E. My heart ached as I thought about what it would be like to be in your shoes and make the decision of deep loss you made, so that E could have everything you hoped she would.

We are keeping the name you gave her. We will tell her what it means. We will always honor her heritage and we are so thankful that we share that same heritage. Our boys already love her and they will always look after her. Her Daddy can’t wait to protect, love, cherish and help lift her up into every good thing God has already planned for her. Thank you for how you have loved her in what I can only assume is one of the most difficult ways a mother ever could. We promise to honor you and to tell her that it is always okay to miss you, to long for you, and to want to know you. I know that won’t always be easy to do, but I see it as one of the most important things I can do as her mother.

E was fearfully and wonderfully made in your womb. Our mother stories will always be linked and I am grateful to to be linked to yours.